Audi Allroad 2000 test drive - 2006 SUV

Hyperboloid

For exactly a week, Sergey Belogolovtsev and Audi Allroad 2.5 TDI spent together. At the end of the test drive, Sergei could not understand who experienced whom.
THE FIRST DAY. The autopilot deceived me. Having happily agreed to the test drive of the Audi car, I did not expect the autopilot ruthlessly put me on such a car. I had had no idea before what Audi Allroad looks like. I honestly admit: I am not such an experienced driver as, for example, my friend and colleague Mikhail Shatz. Therefore, the first, absolutely sincere desire, when I saw this, was to refuse. Believe?! For several minutes we bounced with the administrator of the magazine Vadim, who drove the car. After Vadim found out that this is my first machine gun in life, he also doubted my abilities to saddle this red monster. It angered me. To prove to an autopilot employee that I did not hu, took him home to the Dmitrovskoye Shosse.
And here I am driving. Huge, monstrous sizes of the steering wheel. I will continue to use excellent degrees. Because to transfer from Nexia to Ollroad, I will report to you is like taking off in a balloon into the stratosphere. So, the steering wheel. Wide. Beautiful. In my opinion, the skin of a giraffe, no less. I hold on to him, as if hypnotized. My hands become warmer, even warmer ... The pleasant heat spreads at the hands throughout the body ... Hypnosis, of course, was nothing to do with it. It's only about heating the steering wheel and seats. Salon - I have not seen more spacious! My gaze is not able to cover it all. No matter how much I twisted my head. But I feel good a car with my right knee, which I then constantly fought about the protruding central console.
I turn on the ignition and turn off myself. Under the hood, not some turbodiesel is buzzing there. And let my words seem to someone with a stamp borrowed from Kazantsev’s science fiction novels, the real photon engine is buzzing. I clearly remembered my first feeling when I pressed the gas pedal. Like an ocean wave, like the ninth shaft picked me up and carried me forward along the road. So, without stopping and conveyed to the very place of destination. Randing back to the center of the capital, I suddenly found that I had forgotten the rights. And, like any driver, I decided to go slower so that the traffic cops would not be caught. Surprisingly, I completely did not notice the difference in sensations. Just when I was driving in that direction, extraneous cars and pedestrians flickered a little faster in my mirrors.
You go - you are more philosophizing. The possession of Audi Allroad opened my eyes. I realized why the owners of expensive cars behave on the road like that. They can, for example, overtake without looking. Turn on the turns or not to turn on ... All cars went around me in three meters. They looked at me with envy, fear, hatred, respect and adoration at the same time. So in my world they look only at the general television producers. I have not seen anyone. Allroad's nose, it seems to me, is hung up. Therefore, you do not see who is interfering with your wheels there.
Having reached the house, I could not get out of the car. She didn't let me go. She picked all the time. I have already turned off the dimensions. But I open the door - squeals. I think it's the matter? Maybe this car wants me to roll on it? It turned out that I did not translate the turn signal into a neutral position. I was just struck by her mind. Before that I was struck that I was not even offended by the pants stained on the thresholds. Although she could squeak and warn that they are almost as tall and massive as in an SUV. But the work of the castle at first was incredibly annoyed. But then I realized how much sense is that when you press the keychain, not all doors open at once, but only one. This is right. In our restless reality, when uninvited guests (good, if Tatars) can jump into the salon, so it should be.
SECOND DAY. I’m going to mark the anniversary of the channel 7 TV, where I work. There were a lot of radiant and influential gentlemen at the festival. But my car was the most beautiful and powerful. Even the car (it seems, the BMW or Mercedes seven) of the Minister of Sports Vyacheslav Fetisov, God forbid him health and success in work, looked pale and frails against my red vortex. From the wide - along and across - the faces of the Audi Allroad blew the power and will, transmitted to the driver. That is, to me. Everyone parted on my way. Women were sealed. Men gnashed their teeth. But inaudibly. Just like the ABS of my car, which tightly baked into the ice crust of Moscow streets with her fangs. By the way, that when braking, that at speed - the car fantastically holds the road. The only thing I missed and that I am attributing to my ineffectiveness is maneuverability. When a week later, dousing with tears and blessings, I broke up with Allroad and reunited again with Nexia, I seemed to move to a scooter. And again he was able to rebuild, dive, erase into narrow cracks between other vehicles.
I park at Ostankino without a shadow of the slightest doubt. Because my underbelly - Carter's pallet - is reliably protected by chain mail. I could not determine what it was made of. Made of metal or from special durable plastic. The hand does not feel in the glove. And it’s scary to try it without gloves. Suddenly you stick in the cold. My guesses were speculative in nature also because the snowdrifts still did not reach protection. A focus with a pneumatic suspension, in which, like the James Bond car, the clearance automatically and manually changes, they explained to me in advance. So I was silent. He raised the car to the fourth level. As I was told later, as much as 66 mm. This turned out to be absolutely enough to drive later and on compressed snowdrifts to the country. And no jeep is needed. I, distracted from the topic, would not want to have a jeep. Because it is good only on off -road. And in the city it is inconvenient to park, he is bulky, he eats a lot of gasoline. Audi Allroad is an ideal car for both city and off -road. Everybody. The end of the advertising pause. Although just Audi managers do not need to abstractly advertise these machines, but to explain to the people what buzz and advantages they will have for their money.
Day, more precisely night, third. It’s good to be healthy and rich. Only too alarming. I have now become better to understand rich people. For the possession of expensive cars, they are forced to pay insomnia. All week I kept Audi Allroad under the windows of my house on Krasnaya Presnya. And every night I got up several times, approached the window and looked - standing or not. I'm talking about the car, in this case. And this despite the fact that AlloD was insured.
DAY FOUR. It is snowing outside, and we have a concert. That is, shooting, and therefore I need to rush. But you still need to have time to call into the office at the Nikitsky gate. Despite the tangible frost, the salon warmed up quickly enough. I did not even have time to finish the conversation with a friend of Mishgan. I went, without even bothering to remove the snow from the hood and the roof. By the way, here is another advantage of Allroad over the jeep. You can remove snow from the roof of ALLROD with an ordinary broom, which simply cannot be reached before any booth. And do not spend money on a long mop. What do you say? Small and in prudent? And you do not might, gentlemen.
I would look at some, if they were the first time in Allroad. Then any trifle is admired. By the way, all the time, as a Vietnamese astronaut, I twisted different pens and pressed the buttons, trying to get comfortable and understand all the functions and modes. At first, I did not know the direct purpose of half the buttons at first. No matter how I tried to put a CD in some kind of slot-they told me about the beautiful audio system with the sonorous name Symphony-nothing happened. Because it turned out that behind the panel with this slot is hiding a coffee jala nest. Yes, for fools, a glass with a tube is drawn on this panel. But I reasoned that everything was interconnected: a glass, a pleasant music, a beautiful girl ... In a word, I pressed this panel, and an incredible, high-tec design that turned in front of me and turned out to be a stand for glasses. Space machine! It was created for showmen and show business. I established myself in this opinion when I had to transport stage costumes in the trunk. The bales with costumes got into the luggage compartment like two matchboxes. If desired there, one could also push the cow there. Not only in compact, but also in a crowned form.
The fifth day. Usually I am sitting behind the wheel bent. What is wrong. And humiliating, because my pose resembles the pose of a pensioner gopher in a clogged one I can’t Zaporozhets. I am lying in Allroad. As he lay down on the first day, he remained. But at the same time, to see whether I am on the right course, I do not need to stretch my neck and strain my eyesight. And I see in both directions. I will say this: a car with the rear janitor is a car. And a car without a rear wiper is a parody. I can only talk about headlights excitedly. I am returning to the capital from friends on the Novorizhskoye Shosse and food with highlights. You can see five kilometers ahead. As if on a hyperboloid engineer Garin: powerful sheaves of light of xenon headlights pierce night darkness. I have not yet reached Krasnogorsk, but it seemed to me that I was already seeing the Moscow Ring Road.
I was asked not to praise the car. And the tar was also thrown. He was objective. So here is a spoon with smelly slurry. In the city, I had to switch to my neighbor. This immediately led to the fact that it began to be more consumed by the non -freezing liquid in the washer tank. After all, the headlights, when included in the near light, are sprayed automatically. In short, the liquid in the tank evaporated very quickly. I had to buy a new eggplant on the side of the road. Fifty Tsicking.
Having arrived at the house, I decided to test the parking system. Oh, and I suffered. At some point, she began to squeak without ceasing. I was scared that I knocked down all the pillars in the district. But no. Parctronics just went crazy. The next morning I had to call the doctor in one of the Audi service centers. There they advised me to wash the car or at least wipe the buttons of sensors with a rag. So I did. And - Oh a miracle! - Parctronics stopped squealing.
And more about Degt. It is a pity that in the capital, diesel fuel is not at every gas station. I had to twist on Presnya to find a gas station. However, here you have honey. The turbodiesel is quite economical, so I had to refuel in a week only once.
The sixth day. With a joyful cry, I will pump it! I demonstrate the car to Mishgan. Shatz was condescending to my proposal to ride it. But he did not know that I was already a little used to and got used to it. In general, I had a feeling (very dangerous in my own way) complete security and confidence that turn into arrogance from somewhere. As if you are in a protective capsule. But such a feeling has not yet come to Shatsa. And when I pressed the gas, he contracted, froze, dematerialized in his chair. Audi Allroad only thought for a second, and then pulled like a rocket. We even have cheeks, like the astronauts during overloads, began to tremble. This, of course, is a metaphor. In fact, you do not feel speed at all. And this is the main danger. Allroad is just a provocateur. He pushes you to go even faster. The intoxication of speed occurs instantly. In my car, by the way, there was also a manual gear mode. Although my acquaintances, experienced taiga, chatted something about the advantage of mechanics over an automatic machine when driving along a slippery highway, I admit, did not dare to use this joystick. What for? If I am so comfortable.
The seventh day. With the past, you need to part with a laugh. I do so. Always. But, parting with Allroad, I laughed through tears. When I will be truly rich and famous, I will become a category of category A or the producer of the new Nanais, I will definitely buy myself an Audi Allroad car.
Audi Allroad. Since 2000, the creators have tried to combine into a single prestigious limousine, a comfortable station wagon for lovers of long -distance travel and SUV into one. A six -cylinder turbodiesel with a volume of 2.5 liters has a power of 180 hp. The maximum speed is 219 km/h. Acceleration 0-100 km/h-9.7 s. The price in Moscow is from $ 45 thousand.
Sergey Belogolovtsev. 39 years. Actor. He starred in a humorous series of thirty -three square meters. TV presenter, participant in the show in spite of records, O.S.P.-studio. Married, three children. Personal car - Daewoo Nexia.
Text Sergey Belogolovtsev, photo Evgeny Tsoi
 

A source: "Autopilot"