Test drive Chevrolet Tahoe 5 doors 1991 - 1999 SUV

Pastoral debt

Tahot is not only an American lake. Tahot is a random, sentimental connection of a poor Russian priest with a rich, spoiled American.
Due to certain circumstances, or rather, pastoral duty, I was forced to succumb to the persuasion of one very exalted type to communing the dying old woman in the village of Dedovsk. However, I moved my beloved, the colors of the pesticide cucumber, Ford Explorer not in Dedovsk, but to meet with the back bumper of Gazelle. The meeting of the Middle Kingdom, obviously prepared by the spirits of the malice, took place on the descent to the old -headed highway, directly opposite the Mitinsky cemetery. So, overnight, I was deprived of a vehicle and doomed to a horse -drawn movement.
Sorrowing and wall, I continued the performance of pastoral duties, but the sky did not leave my sinful son, and on one of the terrible days my old friend Alexander Fedorov appeared on the threshold of my temple, who attracted me to this marvelous test drive, while with The autopilot inherent in the chief editor of the magazine delicacy pre -inquired, do I even know how to drive a car and if so, what kind of brand I prefer? I have not slowed him to assure him that I have been one of the most experienced car consumers in the CIS for fifteen years, and added that I have a separate craving for SUVs, which is quite understandable at my multi -point and temperament. My answer was so hot and convincing that two days later, in the representative office of the overseas company, General Motors was given to me silver Chevrolet Tahoe, and I, accompanied by the wary glances of the manager of this company Maria Maguire and a full -time driver, taxi on the streets of the city.
THE FIRST DAY. When leaving the parking lot, which I prudently warned the driver, the engine flashed on the dashboard. It excited me a little, but the driver convinced that, they say, everything was in order - just the engine had not yet had time to warm up and troubles were not expected. He turned out to be right-in seven days of my auto-producing with Tahot, this signal was healed repeatedly, for no apparent reason, but after some time he faded and did not deliver special problems. The happiness of the unpunished control of someone else's foreign car covered the eyes of the shepherd and deprived of any possibility of critical analysis. Without a doubt, Tahot is one of the most representative auto -capacity of the trunk oikumen. Even the stiff Mercedes of various modifications were forced to recognize this and give way. Mass - she is a lot in Africa. The watering is won by the one who is thicker.
On that day, I had to meet people of different social levels and mental constructions. Most of them could only be surprised by a flying saucer, and therefore I could not make any overwhelming impression. One sexually mature spiritual child decided that in order to confidentiality of meeting with him, I took a car from my escort service, the other - that I was going to hunt Karelia.
All this, my brothers and my sisters, are very sad. Not belonging to the audience of nouveau riche, sometimes you really want to wipe their nose. These sinful thoughts brought me to criminal carelessness, and I just parked someone else's car at my house, taking care of the security of the chariot. Although Tushino is such a area that if a person manages to accumulate the same on a decent car, you need to save on a punishing sword. In order for the punitive line from the Kalashnikov system of the Kalashnikov system to direct the true unscrupulous attackers encroaching on their native cars. It happens, of course, both on the old woman, but these are either random guards or hijacking. And Tahoe is not a BMW X5 to you: taking it on order is like an elephant for barbecue from a zoo to the Timiryazevsky Park Vesti.
SECOND DAY. Having overcome innate enthusiasm, I realized that, firstly, my car was unusually gluttonous, and secondly, it was equally unusually maneuverable, by the way-a rather rare quality for a large-sized SUV. And if the first circumstance was slightly compensated for by the fact that the engine fought with 92nd gasoline, then the second allowed me to park this American bibik almost anywhere in the city. My brothers in church service, having survived the first shock, made it, filled with inner pride from the fact that their brother and colleague uses the aforementioned model to edit all sectarians and schismatics who have long mastered business class cars.
Some were a little embarrassed by the manufacturer-in connection with the next aggression of the States in the Middle East-but the homeland, as you know, is not chosen! Moreover, none of the counterparts was in doubt that in Iraq to the Americans was tightly pressed on the snot and they would not climb for ten years with their democracy. Eh, brothers with conclusions hurried! Looks like Mickey Mouse will still give the heat to the first plutonium rod, which is brought into effect somewhere in Disneyland by an Arab romantic boy.
As for the test drive directly, I traveled carefully, about one route: Tushino-Raushskaya embankment. And, of course, on the contrary. In Tushino, I live, I serve on the Raushskaya embankment in the church of Nikolai Zakayitsky.
The third day. I went early in the morning on television on an empty Moscow Ring Road. Tahot showed a stable set of speed. Preserving the level of comfort, as in any other decent SUV, is only up to 150 km/h. Fuel consumption is directly proportional to the speed. Oh, eats puzan! Exactly an average American. For a week, I laid out at least a thousand of my orphan. There is nothing to be done, comfort is one of the most expensive privileges in the world. The salon is wide, the sciatic nerve is heated, the planting is high, the stereo system with the expectation of poorly heard, but not indifferent to everything culturally elusive. Unless in place of the manufacturer I would pay attention to the rear bridge. No, no, and something will go. What exactly - I will not say, the question is not in profile. But it is clear that Tahot was clearly not created for Kaluga roads. On them, I would give the American a head start at two years before the first overhaul. Which is not bad for the American manufacturer. It is not a secret that he receives 70 percent of his capital not from the sale of cars, but from the sale of spare parts for them.
Now about the character: not capricious, but norovist. He wants to - quickly goes to overtake, he wants - he will think. Looks like electric power plants are somewhere at the level of cruise control and the rest of the electrician. Which, by the way, is also typical of an average American. In household life, this can be resolved by Steenger, for example, and with a car - and so willing. It’s also right - it is better to go through the tacho created for Tahot, created for thick Negro aunts than in Prince Vladimir, worked out for Moscow municipal officials.
DAY FOUR. In the program of studying the advantages of the car, this day gave little. True, somehow on the way on the Frunzenskaya embankment, I accidentally pressed the button for the correction of the side mirrors, and they were evenly formed, as if I were going to take off. Soon I have mastered this marvelous ability and all the following days, parking the tachu at the house, I enjoyed it with pleasure. The old women at the entrance were finely baptized, the dogs span frantically. In a word - progress.
The fifth day. The main earnings of the priest - from the treb. The etymology of the church word of Treb lies in linguistic reference books between the words necessity and workouts. Simply put, funeral, wedding, christening. Prices are elusive, like Saddam Hussein. Sometimes a penny, and sometimes you can buy a sheepskin coat. It all depends on the capabilities of the customer and talents of the contractor.
During the operation of the tajo, my trees were altruistic in nature. I wandered along the outskirts of the cemeteries, catching the poor old women who have nothing behind the soul except the honestly lived life. Therefore, my appearance on a comfortable car finally convinced the close relatives of the deceased old women that all the priests are impassable crooks and looters, parasitizing on old people. Neither the fact that I fundamentally refused money, nor that I often bought a single funeral wreath at my own expense, or even that I was twice meekly transported the coffins, could not dissuade them. When I still did not consume a traditional glass of vodka for the repose, and at the same time recommended refraining from heavy alcohol libations, so as not to embarrass the soul of the deceased or deceased, relatives sincerely, although silently indignant: the rich, they say, their quirks.
The sixth day. The sixth day of his life side by side with the car issued was marked by the news of my dismissal from the holding completely secretly for my absolute unnecessary in the last eminent publishing house. This news did not become a surprise or trouble for me. I really did not write anything in the colorful publications of the holding for the last six months. He was shy. The catastrophic abundance of the crowned naked citizens on their pages made my already soaked reputation in a decent society simply unbearable. From the office of the publishing house, I left with a calm heart and in a good car. From the windows discredited by the sexual spontaneity of the holding, sad employees waved me sadly, and the police officer on duty seemed to even burst into tears a little.
The seventh day. As usual with Orthodox Christians, Sunday is a day of prayer and rest. Tahot did not know a single prayer and did not need rest, so he stood peacefully all day at the house.
The last day. And on Monday, my renovated explorer was returned to me. As they say, it’s good at a party, and a slope at home. It remains only to draw a general conclusion. Here it is: Tahot is a good car. The only trouble is the price. It is she who is the main drawback of this model. After all, for the same money you can take a good Japanese one.
With these sad thoughts, I sought out the entire center of the city in search of a car wash, but, without finding it, I returned a muddy car of a Russian young lady with an Irish surname that was dirty beyond recognition. The young lady with a sigh of relief took the keys to me, and I asked: what, in fact, the meaning of this test drive, maybe cars are poorly sold without it? Maria assured me that Tahot is just the most popular model. And the test drives ... Well, it seems like this is supposed to be like this: let the magazine go for free feel all the advantages of the American lifestyle, and in return-a free publication. And fair, comrades! Fair! We will now pray that a tested car, like a good horse from the film of Clint Eastwood, remembered the Tushino-Raushskaya route and once I will find it parked to the facade of the temple. We will go together again to trebies.
Infinitely yours, father John Okhlobystin.
Text Ivan Okhlobystin, photo Evgeny Tsoi

IVAN OKHLOBYSTIN.
Actor, director, journalist, Orthodox priest. 37 years. Born in the family of a military doctor in Tarus. Married, has 5 children. He graduated from VGIK. He received 34 domestic and international prizes (for the best directing, the best scenario, the best performance of the main role, etc.). He worked as a observer in publishing holdings Kommersant, completely secret, collaborated with TV-6, RTR, ORT television channels. Mom starred in the films, do not grieve!, 8 1/2 dollars ... At the Moscow Art Theater, he set up two plays: a villain and Maximilian Stolpnik, was the secretary of the Union of Cinematographers. In 2001, he was ordained deacons, in March of the same year, he considers his spiritual father and teacher the archbishop of Tashkent and Central Asian Vladimir.
Chevrolet Tahoe. The updated version was presented in January 2000. One of the largest American SUVs, which provides, unlike Hummer, the maximum comfort for the driver and passengers. The engine is a V-shaped eight of 5.3 liters and a capacity of 290 hp. The maximum speed is 170 km/h. Acceleration 0-100 km/h-9.8 sec. Fuel consumption in the city is 19.7 liters. The price in Moscow is $ 58 thousand.

 

Source: "Autopilot"