Jaguar XKR-S test drive since 2011

Jumping gallop

Cats are difficult to train. An autopilot could entrust the task of taming Jaguar XKR only to a tested person. Such as Dmitry Pevtsov.
THE FIRST DAY. I never loved cats. There is no, of course, to play with a kitten with friends, to observe the lions or cheetahs on the Discovery Channel is with pleasure. But to settle in this egocentric tummy, and then dance to her tune ... for nothing. And here they offer to take from the autopilot and the company Musa Motors representative of the cat family for a whole week. They say that, they say, very noble blood. So be it. Well, perhaps for a week.
So, Jaguar is a large predator from the cat family. Habitat ... It doesn't matter, now he is in Russia. Natural enemies, they say, no. Let's see what this beast is.
The first meeting and the first impressions. Jaguar - you can’t say anything. Spectacular, arrogant, and paws (in the sense of the wheel) what! I sit in the salon. I go close to me: from Petrovka to Lenkom. But the driver’s chair, of course, is still better to adjust to yourself right away. And here is the first cat whim: the steering wheel is regulated only in one plane. Ay, how bad it is in the car for 135 thousand conditional units! Even in my Borka - Volkswagen Bora - it can be moved in two planes.
Nevermind. Let's go to the rehearsal. We are already late. He parked near the most official entrance. I decided to show off before my colleagues in the workshop. He got out and found that there was no one to show off. All of mine is already inside. And, as luck would have it, no one was even late today. We will have to explain later on the fingers who they threw me. It is also a pity that Jaguar mentioned the theater idle all day from 12.00 to 22.00. Because the rehearsal smoothly flowed into the performance. In short, he returned to his cat only dark.
Getting out of the parking lot, he was horrified - I don’t feel dimensions at all, but I did not refuse the first trip on the asphalt jungle of the capital. Route: Lenkom - Chistoprudny Boulevard - Bolshaya Nikitskaya - Leninsky Avenue - the third ring - Begovaya. I got it home like that.
No, they were right those who advised me not to take a cat, even if not in a bag. I may not be a super -specialist, but certainly not a kettle. And I have questions for the animal manufacturers of this breed. For example. Where, sorry, put your left leg? She doesn’t get it to the stop. And I dare to say, not the short -legged driver in Moscow and the Moscow region. More. Why, so that the crown does not rustle on the ceiling, I have to put the back of the seat. In principle, I do not like when they put me on the shoulder blades. I like a vertical landing more. I will grumble on. Why, with classic - in without fifteen -three - the position of the hands on the steering wheel, rest on the armrests, and on the right there is a small box with cup holders right away? He actually behaves very vilely, and at the most unexpected points of steering. Where to put a mobile phone? I ask you - where? Stop. It’s guilty, I didn’t figure it out. The phone is built-in, and the control buttons are on the steering wheel.
No, of course, there are a lot of positive points. Just while you go slower than 140 km/h, they are not felt. Take at least the steering wheel. With calm driving-absolutely not informative, like on some American hearse. And only at speed it is pleasantly heavy and adequately transfers the force to the wheels and back. And the weather does not contribute to fast driving and bold maneuvers. On the street, plus three, snow with rain. And we have wide summer tires. Perhaps that is why ABS is some kind of obsessive and nervous. Although it slows down Jaguar well.
OK. All for today. Arrived. My mother, where do you start and where are you ending? Could put parking lots in front. It’s difficult to squeeze in the parking lot on the parking lot, but here are completely different sizes. I then compared. Jaguar was longer than Land Cruiser Prado.
 
SECOND DAY. Like I, a cat, neither scolded you, but at the thought that today I will go to work again today, it becomes joyful. Even chronic lack of sleep does not spoil the mood.
But sitting is still inconvenient. And with the right rotation of 90 degrees, the upper part of the landscape is closed with a rear -view mirror. I also have a habit (with a long standing in traffic jams) to rely on the back of the headrest. In my car, it is adjusted. But in Jaguar it is almost impossible to reach the headrest. The neck will overstrain, no matter how muscular.
A strange effect: in lateral mirrors, steep animal sides are clearly visible, but either from the habit, or because the body of the jaguar expands to the rear wings, I can’t figure out: whether the car moves right or strives to slide somewhere to the side. I am guided by the position of the steering wheel and park near the same official entrance to Lenkom.
From a day rehearsal, I’m going to the Moon Theater on the Patriarchals. All lanes are forced. I make my way carefully. I’m still not used to the dimensions, and it’s a pity to spoil the skin. I get out of the Moon Theater. The door could open up and wider. After all, it is also necessary to step over the threshold, and he is tall and wide in Jaguar.
Enough. I leave the nit -picking, I’ll go on stage, and will give up to dramatic art. While he was surrendered, the car was covered with snow. I did not clean the rear window. And regretted. The heater failed with precipitation and in twenty -five minutes. The next day I will scrap the ice with a scraper and sweep the snow with a broom. And this is instead of sleeping an extra fifteen minutes. And the artist needs to get enough sleep for freshness. For the face is the artist's feeder.
The third day. New day and new questions to the manufacturer. Why is the ashtray located so that in order to reach it, you need to have the flexibility of the hands of Vladimir Spivakov? The shape of the lid and the quality of skin processing next to it are the same as that of a cheap Korean. And the turn signal is far from the steering wheel. We need to stretch. Unknown.
For a long time I could not understand that the automatic transmission lever reminds me. I remembered. I saw exactly the same bosses on a barbecue with friends in the country in Bykovo. Only there there are two of them. By the way, on the barbecue these bosses are attached much more thoroughly than the lever of the box on Jaguar. I somehow reached out awkwardly in an armchair and the sleeve of my jacket accidentally hooked it. The machine instantly flew from Drive to Neutral. Thank you for at that moment I stood at a traffic light and that the lever did not jump on R.
Another question for the algorithm for heating the seats. I am used to a rheostat with which you can adjust heat in five modes. And then you turned on and-you warm up. You can fry what you sit on. And here is another muck, unless this is an annoying malfunction or manufacturer's joke. When the nearby light is working, I turn on the windshield washer. At the same time, the headlight washer begins to function with it. Three waves of brushes - and the lobbye is clean. Fine. But then again, for some reason, for some reason, the headlight washer is turned on in itself, and all the sewage from optics fly to the windshield. And for some reason the left headlight sweated. Not xenon, I note. Really regretted sealant - and this is for such a car?!
But what am I all about the shortcomings? Here are the advantages. A good standard audio system. It is a little annoying that the sound goes only from behind. It is possible that the direction can be changed, but for this you need to climb into the menu. And this is lazy, and there is no time. All on the run. Everything is at speed. It’s good that it is not difficult with Jaguar.
Auto accelerates predatory and sharply. 375 horsepower is not a joke. They simply provoke a somewhat hooligan ride. The car does not accelerate - and it dumbfounds the surrounding audience - it jumps. It is jumping. From a row to a row. I stomp on the gas pedal, first for a quarter of a second the beast freezes (apparently, an assistant electronics is turned on), and then, as if clutching with claws into the asphalt, pushes away and jumps. One thing is scary: how exactly he jumps and how he will behave after landing, he is known to him alone. The reason, in my opinion, is that Jaguar is too accurate, conformistly, reacts to the uneven relief. The slightest fossa, a wave of asphalt provoke a change in movement.
Judging by how the car passes - without the slightest roll - his suspension is correct. But the sound is the same as in my old field, when I overcame the tram tracks in the repair stage on it. There would be a car not new and not from the cabin, I would suspect the ilds in the suspension. And they could equip the CD changer with anti-shock. With this suspension, the discs periodically jump.
On the garden ring, I barely suppressed the desire to go out and see if the wheel lowered. So much the car began to scour the right and left. The scouring ceased after the passage of irregularities, which it seems to be not on the garden. If I nevertheless stopped on the road, I would definitely swear an emergency for. The button is faded, hidden in the dashboard. You won’t get right away. And then it is unclear whether he got or did not hit. It is difficult to determine by the touch, but you can’t hear the sound either. Too deaf.
After the performance, I’m going to the television center for voice acting. But first you need to refuel. I know several gas stations located near the house, where I usually fill the fuel. Alas, none of them are at the 98th and at all. I had to pour the 95th. Nothing, the beast will digest. And I do not participate in street-reaching. Although it would be interesting.
 
DAY FOUR. Something happened. Not with a cat. With me. He went out and sat down as a native. And the door opens normally, and sitting is very comfortable. And the elbows do not interfere. Got used to, or what? I had never liked all these skin-roasts before, but here it became nice to even open the salon once again. And that very uninformative, but in a simple way soft, the gas pedal began to like. Pressed - pause - jump. How else to behave yourself to the cat? And to the stop with the left foot, it turned out, you can get it. True, only with active braking, when you roll forward from the chair. I really wanted to praise the trunk. Six packages from a grocery store are firmly and do not jump all over the trunk. Good. Others respect, inferior. Now, at traffic lights, my physiognomy causes her neighbors much less interest than what this physiognomy rides on. Thanks to the dealer Jaguar Muse Motors, they worked for the image.
I'm sitting in a dressing room before the performance. They ask: who arrived at Jaguar with us? I answer with a careless smile - and this is me. Colleagues are surprised. And I am joyful. Jaguar is respected. And as a result of this, their master begins to be appreciated a little differently.
Finally rolled his wife. Olga checked the beast. She said that the feeling from the Jaguar salon is such that I want to take off your shoes. By the way, she knows a lot about beautiful cars. She usually likes that, then this is no less than a convertible. In extreme cases, a compartment. One thing is incomprehensible: for some reason, she asked not to ride quickly. The request is difficult for execution. On the same day, I gave out 190 km/h. My Borya would have begun to subtract a long time ago. And this beast calmly and confidently slides (in a good way) along the highway. And overclocking pleases. And the sound is pleasant. To match the intensity of acceleration. But the gas pedal is still soft. For me, of course.
The fifth day. I get used to this beast more and more. I sit down easily. I go out easily. I go calmly and comfortable. I caught myself thinking that I want to wash the car myself. Because it’s a pity to trust this business to strangers.
I am happy about the little things. For example, a large clearance. The front bumper skirt above the ground is higher than I am used to. I understood this when I once again parked at Lenkom. Previously, I always touched the curb, and on Jaguar I was normal. Without hooks.
The mirrors are wonderful. All. Both internal and external. The left mirror, in my opinion, is generally without a dead zone. The machine that overtakes me from behind is almost unrealistic - visible at any time and anywhere.
 
  The sixth day. I think I know what kind of cat it is. This is not a cat yet, but a kitten. Because only kittens can jump and frolic like that. And I got used to this kitten. Moreover, I caught some buzz in his jumps. After all, it is necessary to catch him, react to his movements. The more the beast you understand, the easier it is to tame it. And manage.
Suddenly I felt the pleasure of the machine gun. The machine is actually annoying me. I believe that driving on it is the same as driving in a domestic car. You always subject yourself to the unknown. And on Jaguar is a completely different matter. The head is busy only with frantic rovering, you are not distracted to switch the gears.
Leaving the sports club, he noticed that some kind of light had caught fire. The word was displayed - Performance. Is this not specifically the beast reacts to me?
 
The seventh day. And last. The cat became more familiar than Bori. Even the shortcomings of Jaguar have become some cool atavisms that do not cause irritation. Maybe he was looking for a week? At the thought of the imminent parting, it becomes sad. And play with the jaguar again, with great pleasure.
 
Text Dmitry Pevtsov, photo Evgeny Tsoi
 
Dmitry Pevtsov. Automatic racer. He takes part in the Russian Cup Volkswagen Polo. Professional theater and film actor. People's Artist of Russia, laureate of the State Prize. He works in the Lenkom Theater. He starred in films: nicknamed the Beast, the mafia is immortal, a contract with death ... as well as in television series: gangster Petersburg, a stop on demand. Personal cars - Volkswagen Bora and Mercedes W126.
 

Source: "Autopilot"